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Grammy Awards 2017 to Feature Football Halftime

16 Feb

Los Angeles – February 16, 2016 – The 2017 Grammy Awards will feature a live football halftime show, thanks to a deal signed between the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences and the NFL. An L.A. Times editorial reported a new mechanism will be installed under the floor of the Staples Center. It will allow the stage and seating areas to retract to make way for a football field.

Although in its initial planning stages, the event will reportedly stretch to an estimated four hours and twenty minutes to accommodate a 20 minute football game with about 16 minutes of commercial time. It will also have its own halftime show with Beyonce rumored to be the headline act. This will last approximately 45 seconds.

As of the report, the teams, divisions, and players to participate in the game are as of yet unknown. Sources close to the matter denied any plans to simply move the Super Bowl to the halftime of the Grammy’s, since so little football is actually played during the big game. A team of commentators will include Ryan Seacrest, Chris Matthews, L.L. Cool J, and Taylor Swift.

In an unrelated interview, Grammy President Neil Portnow said, “We have been looking for ways to add diversity to our show. What better way to do this than to take our nation’s biggest forces in entertainment – music and football – and mash them into one epic show.”

When asked how any glitches would be handled, Portnow added, “Technology will be so far advanced by then, nobody will even notice,” while he was texting a buddy on his smart phone.

The 2017 Grammy Awards Football Halftime Show will be sponsored by an as-yet-to-be-founded startup company that will blend cosmetics with flexible circuitry and feature Lady Gaga as its permanent virtual spokesperson.